Just Thinking

Thinking about all the things that have happened this year (and there was a lot).

      The successes I achieved

      The decisions I made (both bad and good)

      The lessons I learned. 

     

and would I change anything - except for maybe having a more positive attitude? - Nope, I wouldn't change a thing. I am content. 

Not that I complain of want; for I have learned, in whatever state I am, to be content.

Philippians 4:10-12

I do miss David and for financial reasons, he will be working overseas for one more year. (Sigh). After that he is coming home and if we have to move to parts unknown, to be together, then we will. Separations are the pits of the cherry bowl. 

Oh well.... As Mary Englebreit aptly states, "Life is just a chair of bowlies." 

A New Year is fast approaching. I need a more positive attitude this year. This last year was tough. 

So as I sit down to make my New Year's I CAN list.... I will add - I Can be positive and have a right attitude. 

I will also add:

I Can lose the last 30 pounds

I Can run a 1/2 marathon and more 5k's and 10k's and 15 k's and mini-triathalons

I Can write a blog everyday... 

I Can work more, renew my teaching license and apply for more teaching positions. 

I Can go visit David in Germany

I Can be the person, parent, mamaw, woman, God wants me to be and be proud of it! 

My favorite quote from last year 

If it Matters you make the time.

If it doesn't you make Excuses! 

    

My New Affirmation

Wow..the time flies by so quickly. I haven't lost much weight since I started but the last I checked my Body Mass Index was down to 31% . Back when I first started this weight loss journey, my BMI was 45.2%..so its coming down, slowly but surely. Come to think of it, I did finally run a little over 2.5 miles the other day...WITHOUT stopping! Yes it was hard! But I feel like I have more stamina. It's interesting that more we do something the less effort it seems like we have to give. At first though...it seems really hard...really, really, really hard. But when you keep at it and keep at it...eventually, it gets easier.

I just keep plugging away at the nutrition and the exercising and the running and one day I will look back and realize that my dream has come true. I will have hit my goal weight, crossed the finish line, and be driving a Mary Kay car. I like what my Mary Kay director said last night. Practice doesn't bring perfection. Not one of us is perfect. We all make mistakes.  Practice brings progression.


Oh yea! I became a Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant and I am really enjoying this opportunity. It still gives me the opportunity to teach. Only instead of teaching kids, I am teaching adults, (women mostly),  how to take care of their skin and helping them feel empowered. I love it. I never cease to be amazed at the transformation a woman goes through at a Mary Kay facial. Literally, by the end of the free mini pampering spa facial with a hot lavender towel treatment (which I provide) she is literally glowing. And when you are glowing on the outside it's not hard to glow on the inside either. And trust me, I know how hard it is to glow. I once weighed almost 300 pounds.

My next goal is to get my little mini effort bee pin....I really want an effort bee.


I have adopted this new affirmation, which I will use in all areas of my life...business, fitness, weight loss, teaching, and as a woman of faith.

I am Debbie. I can reach my goal weight. I can run a half-marathon. I can grow my business and teach those kids.

I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice,

Hesitate in the presence of procrastination,

Negotiate at the table of fear,

Ponder at the pool of popularity,

Or meander in a maze of mediocrity.

I won't give up,

Shut up,

Let up,

Until I've stayed up,

Stored up,

Prayed up,

And paid up,

And become the person I was intended to be.

What I think about

I bring about.

Look out and have no doubt,

When I am committed,

That's when I stand out from mediocrity.

I will let nobody push my buttons.

I will let nobody rain on my parade.

I will go over.

I will go under.

I will go around.

And I will go through any obstacle that comes my way! 

Because I am highly motivated,

Truly dedicated

And extremely successful!

My Theme Poem

I heard somebody read this poem the other day and it really inspired me. I CAN do this. I can win this weight loss journey and run the 1/2 marathon. See you at the finish line. 

Figure It Out Yourself

adapted from George Washington Carvers poem

Figure it out for yourself, my friend
You've all that the greatest have ever had;
Two arms, two hands, two legs, two eyes,
And a brain to use if you would be wise,
With this they all began--
So start from the top and say, I CAN.

Look them over, the wise and the great,
They take their food from a common plate,
And similar knives and forks they use,
With similar laces they tie their shoes;
The world considers them brave and smart,
But you've all they had when they made their start.

You can triumph and come to skill,
You can be great if you only will;
You're well equipped for what fight you choose,
You have arms and legs and a brain to use;
And the one who has risen great deeds to do
Began his life with no more than you.

You are the handicap you must face,
You are the one who must choose your place.
You must say where you want to go,
How much you will study the truth to know;
God has equipped you for life, but He
Lets you decide what you want to be.

Courage must come from the soul within
You must furnish the will to win.
So figure it out for yourself my friend,
You were born with all that the great have had;
With what you have they all began,Get hold of yourself and say, 'I CAN.' 

Bumblebees and Fitness Training

 The other day, I read a quote by Mary Kay Ash, which said, "Aerodynamic engineers studied the bumblebee and decided that it simply should NOT be able to fly! It's wings are too weak and its body too heavy for flight. Everything seems to tell the bumblebee, you'll never get off the ground, but I like to think that maybe - just maybe - our Divine Creator whispered, you can do it. So it did!

My name Deborah means bee. Sometimes I like to compare myself to a bumblebee. I am pretty much sweet until you make me mad, then I can have a wicked sting. I do work hard. But I never realized that aerodynamic researchers thought the bumblebee could not fly. I used to think that about myself. Sometimes, I still do. It's hard to come from being almost 300 pounds, not being able to even walk around the block without having to call someone to come pick me up because I couldn't breathe - down  110 pounds without having some residual effects of being overweight. I still have to remind myself every day that I am not fat now...I am healthy...I am strong and I am never going back to old Debbie - the bumblebee that thought it could not fly.

Because I can. I can fly! Just as the Divine Creator believed his creation could fly, I have had a lot of people who supported me and believed that I too could fly. I know sometimes I rant and rave about my fitness trainer, but really, next to my husband, he has been my biggest support. He believes I can fly. He reminded me of that again today, when I needed it. He said you can do it! And I did! I ran around the gym building - the whole building - in 6 minutes.

How does that song go? I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the sky! That's how running makes me feel when I believe in myself and when I believe the people who tell me, "you can do it!" Thank you to those who believe in me - my husband, my kids, my sister and my mother, my friends, my fitness trainer and my nutritionist and to everyone else.

Warning! Blizzard Conditions!

      My phone has been giving off an emergency signal for the past two days. Warning! Blizzard conditions expected beginning at 11 pm Friday, March 8th. Of course, two days ago when the first warning occured, I went into a mild frenzy. Quick! Get the shopping done, run the errands, clean the house, get the bills paid. Scurry, hurry, worry, a blizzard is on the way! Colorado has had its fair share of blizzards in the past month.

     There is something about a blizzard - even the prediction of a blizzard that brings to me a sense of doom and gloom, an unrest, a disquietness in my spirit. Is it the bitter cold temperatures? The grayish tinge of the sky that should be bright blue with yellow sunshine? The dangerous icy roads that I must traverse, which makes me hold my breath from fear of spinning in circles down the road? Dont get me wrong... I like snow - after the storm. As Leslie Leyland Fields wrote, "We want the weather to break free from the centrifuge of our gloomy prognostications." And like her the more gloomier the weather the more depressed and self-loathing I feel.

     This week, a week of more blizzards, I saw into my cracked, pathetic heart and I was slain. I was stripped of excuses, the usual cover-ups. I was selfish, callous, no good and rotten to the core. Overwhelmed and wanting to dig a hole about 6 foot deep to throw myself into, I threw a fit and had a meltdown. I got myself into trouble and almost ended a good thing I had going.

     Is it the weather? Can I blame it on the weather? The never ending succession of ceaseless blizzards? Freezing cold nights and gray, doomy, gloomy clouds that drives me to the depths of despair, this wintry season of depression and self-loathing? A foul hatred of myself?

     All these negative thoughts bombarding my mind like smoke bombs clouding up my brain with mental fogginess. Doubting myself that I can continue on this weight loss journey. Doubting my purpose for being here. Do I have a purpose? Why am I a failure? Does anybody care? Does anybody listen? Why am I so alone? Why does David have to be gone again? Why do we have a foreclosure on our house? I can't do anything right. What's the point? Maybe I should just quit....problem solved?! And as the blizzard rages and the cold winds blow and the snow turns into ice, the tears fall accumulating icy conditions on my soul of bitterness, anger, resentment and disappointment.

     But through it all comes these opposing thoughts - ringing loud and true - warring with my negative thoughts. Hey! You! You have come to far to give up now! What are you thinking? Keep going! Look at what you have accomplished. Look at what more you can accomplish. You have a lot more to do! Fight the fight. Run the race. Keep training. Onward then!

     And then my fitness trainer brings me a checklist of my training program that he designed for me because he knows that I am a visual learner. My nutritionist gives me a paper plate that has my daily servings for each meal on it as a reminder to help me stay on track with my carb intake to help me keep my blood sugars in control. My gym buddies were willing to sacrifice their diets to take me to get a Starbucks to cheer me up. (We didn't. It was the thought that counts) And I am humbled once again. And they tell me...no more negativity! It's the positivity that melts the icy conditions of the soul. And I realize I am not alone. I have God. I have a great family and I have awesome friends and people in my life that are helping me make that transformation from old negative, sugar addicted, emotional eater, overweight Debbie to the new, healthy, vibrant, full of life, cheerful, positive Debbie. And I am reminded once again of how truly grateful I should be.

     I look out my window! Its 5 am. Six hours after the blizzard was predicted. There is no snow! Nothing! The skies are cloudy. There may still be snow today.  The weather is hard to predict. So are life's circumstances. I don't know what either one will be like in any given moment. I can choose to cower or I can face it head on.

I choose not to cower anymore. Let it snow! I'll make it through!

Keep on Believing

Am I my own worst enemy? I often times think so. I complain, whine, argue, think negatively, a lot... at least according to some people I do. And they are probably right. I am always and forever thinking I can't do something. I might fail. It looks too hard. The negativity list could go on and on. I am my own worst enemy when I am constantly berating and belittling myself and not believing in all I can do.

I meet with a personal trainer three times a week. (Alex Beeding). Yesterday he started setting basketballs on the court at various intervals, 5 basketballs total, and told me to run to each spot, grab the ball, dribble it back to home court and shoot the ball till I made a basket. Oh and by the way, you only have 1 min and 30 seconds to do the last set! What?!!! I kept telling myself there was absolutely no way I could collect all the basketballs and do the required motion in that less of time. How could I possibly do what he's asking? I can barely dribble a ball standing but dribbling a ball while running down the basketball court - what is my trainer thinking? I could be 5 minutes trying to get the basketball into the hoop!!!!

I could come up with many reasons (my fitness trainer would call them excuses) as to why I couldn't do this exercise. I think I voiced a few of them. Each one was shot down by my trainer. He's good at that. Always has been. Again and again, showing me how to do an exercise to demonstrate determination on how easy it can be. Each time I go ahead and do the exercise or activity that he gives me and I amaze myself. I've improved. I did it! It did get easier! Each time my trainer gives me that look that says, "You say you can't do things and then you do them effortlessly."

He is always telling me that it doesn't matter what you are trying to accomplish, if you tell yourself you can't, you won't and it will all be because YOU did not BELIEVE in yourself. From weight loss, getting in shape, getting a job as a teacher, surviving deployments, paying off bills - YOU need to believe in yourself first before anyone else will.

I'm blessed to have a fitness trainer to tell me these things. This has been his mantra to me for the past year and a half since I started working with him. He's not there to hand me compliments after the fact. Although, the occasional good job and well done, when I deserve it, is great extrinsic motivation. The lesson I learned yesterday, which I think finally sank in, was, I can do whatever I set my mind to. The same is true for you. You can do whatever you set your mind to.

Believe in yourself. Remember your reasons and your goals. It will get done. Having a heart for something is the most important step. Take that step and keep walking. You'll get there.

Its a work in progress.
Keep believing!

By the way. The last time I ran to collect all those basketballs, dribble them back to home court and shoot the ball, I did it under the 1 min and 30 seconds. It was the best session ever! I learned to believe in myself.