Welcome to My Blog

Time to get serious!

1. I need to lose the last 30 pounds to get to my goal weight.

2. I need to grow as an Independent Close To My Heart Consultant.

3. I need to start writing - prolifically

You are cordially invited to join me as I share my successes and obstacles, my thoughts and feelings, and my love of card making, scrapbooking and other crafty things.

I welcome your opinions, advice and inspiration.

Come ON! Let's GO!!

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Who Am I?

What's on my mind?

My identity. Since I started this weight loss journey over 2 years ago and have lost over 115 pounds and feel healthier and more active than I have ever felt in my entire life.. I keep asking the question over and over again to myself - Who Am I now?

I have heard people say that the old Debbie is gone forever and now I am a "new Debbie". And then I have heard some people say bring back the "old Debbie"...the one that was happier. Well what do they want? Does it matter what they want? Was there something wrong with the old version of Debbie, besides the weight and the health problems? Why is the new version so much better? Am I not - still me?

For the past two and a half years exercise has become my life. I have gone from barely being able to walk on a treadmill to running a 5 mile race in Garden of the Gods, a 1/2 marathon relay and a few 5k's. I never thought I would ever be a runner - but I guess I can say I am. I don't have asthma anymore...(well, unless I bury my face in a cat's fur, then there may be a problem.) I have gone from working out three days a week to working out about 6 days a week and I beat myself up if I miss a workout or, heaven forbid, just feel like relaxing.

 Even my thoughts of food are changing. The fast food places and all you can eat buffets no longer hold the appeal they once did. I make treks to the store because I am out of almond milk to make my breakfast smoothies. I find that the healthier I eat - the more I want to eat healthy. And the anguish from the guilt I feel from eating out or eating a food sensitivity is sometimes overwhelming. The "old Debbie" would've said, "Fast food? Bring it on? Not just one but two." The "new Debbie" says, "Fast food? Gag!"

I still struggle with a lot though. When the numbers on the scales stop going down and start staying steady, the reinforcements of whether I am doing the "right" thing begins to considerably slacken and I begin to doubt myself. No one talks about the plateaus or the parts where you are left with "loose skin" and the feeling that the person you see in the mirror can't possibly be "you."

The "old Debbie" would've given up by now. The "new Debbie" is in this until she gets to her goal weight and then for the rest of her life - even it means having to stay gluten, dairy and egg free in order to stay healthy. The "new Debbie" is still a work in progress just like the "old Debbie" was. I am still the same Debbie. I am still me. I don't like pulling weeds. I still complain a lot. I still battle with negative thoughts. I still am very high strung. I don't like to sweat but it's not so bad. I still like to stay in bed all day writing and reading. My body still aches as much as ever. I am still creative and witty and love God and my friends and family. But I have learned what I can do and I have learned that I am never giving up!

I'm not where I want to be. I'm not what I 'm gonna be. But Thank God I'm not what or where I was.

1 comment:

  1. I love this entry, Deb! I love you, old or new. But I totally understand the struggle and the crisis of identity. I get it. I think its those very issues that cause us less disciplined folks to fall on our faces or give up. But its the very disciplined folks like you that motivate us to get up and try yet again. You convince us that, yes, this really is possible. Thank you, for you blog entry and your encouragement and your example.