My Theme Poem

I heard somebody read this poem the other day and it really inspired me. I CAN do this. I can win this weight loss journey and run the 1/2 marathon. See you at the finish line. 

Figure It Out Yourself

adapted from George Washington Carvers poem

Figure it out for yourself, my friend
You've all that the greatest have ever had;
Two arms, two hands, two legs, two eyes,
And a brain to use if you would be wise,
With this they all began--
So start from the top and say, I CAN.

Look them over, the wise and the great,
They take their food from a common plate,
And similar knives and forks they use,
With similar laces they tie their shoes;
The world considers them brave and smart,
But you've all they had when they made their start.

You can triumph and come to skill,
You can be great if you only will;
You're well equipped for what fight you choose,
You have arms and legs and a brain to use;
And the one who has risen great deeds to do
Began his life with no more than you.

You are the handicap you must face,
You are the one who must choose your place.
You must say where you want to go,
How much you will study the truth to know;
God has equipped you for life, but He
Lets you decide what you want to be.

Courage must come from the soul within
You must furnish the will to win.
So figure it out for yourself my friend,
You were born with all that the great have had;
With what you have they all began,Get hold of yourself and say, 'I CAN.' 

Bumblebees and Fitness Training

 The other day, I read a quote by Mary Kay Ash, which said, "Aerodynamic engineers studied the bumblebee and decided that it simply should NOT be able to fly! It's wings are too weak and its body too heavy for flight. Everything seems to tell the bumblebee, you'll never get off the ground, but I like to think that maybe - just maybe - our Divine Creator whispered, you can do it. So it did!

My name Deborah means bee. Sometimes I like to compare myself to a bumblebee. I am pretty much sweet until you make me mad, then I can have a wicked sting. I do work hard. But I never realized that aerodynamic researchers thought the bumblebee could not fly. I used to think that about myself. Sometimes, I still do. It's hard to come from being almost 300 pounds, not being able to even walk around the block without having to call someone to come pick me up because I couldn't breathe - down  110 pounds without having some residual effects of being overweight. I still have to remind myself every day that I am not fat now...I am healthy...I am strong and I am never going back to old Debbie - the bumblebee that thought it could not fly.

Because I can. I can fly! Just as the Divine Creator believed his creation could fly, I have had a lot of people who supported me and believed that I too could fly. I know sometimes I rant and rave about my fitness trainer, but really, next to my husband, he has been my biggest support. He believes I can fly. He reminded me of that again today, when I needed it. He said you can do it! And I did! I ran around the gym building - the whole building - in 6 minutes.

How does that song go? I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the sky! That's how running makes me feel when I believe in myself and when I believe the people who tell me, "you can do it!" Thank you to those who believe in me - my husband, my kids, my sister and my mother, my friends, my fitness trainer and my nutritionist and to everyone else.

Warning! Blizzard Conditions!

      My phone has been giving off an emergency signal for the past two days. Warning! Blizzard conditions expected beginning at 11 pm Friday, March 8th. Of course, two days ago when the first warning occured, I went into a mild frenzy. Quick! Get the shopping done, run the errands, clean the house, get the bills paid. Scurry, hurry, worry, a blizzard is on the way! Colorado has had its fair share of blizzards in the past month.

     There is something about a blizzard - even the prediction of a blizzard that brings to me a sense of doom and gloom, an unrest, a disquietness in my spirit. Is it the bitter cold temperatures? The grayish tinge of the sky that should be bright blue with yellow sunshine? The dangerous icy roads that I must traverse, which makes me hold my breath from fear of spinning in circles down the road? Dont get me wrong... I like snow - after the storm. As Leslie Leyland Fields wrote, "We want the weather to break free from the centrifuge of our gloomy prognostications." And like her the more gloomier the weather the more depressed and self-loathing I feel.

     This week, a week of more blizzards, I saw into my cracked, pathetic heart and I was slain. I was stripped of excuses, the usual cover-ups. I was selfish, callous, no good and rotten to the core. Overwhelmed and wanting to dig a hole about 6 foot deep to throw myself into, I threw a fit and had a meltdown. I got myself into trouble and almost ended a good thing I had going.

     Is it the weather? Can I blame it on the weather? The never ending succession of ceaseless blizzards? Freezing cold nights and gray, doomy, gloomy clouds that drives me to the depths of despair, this wintry season of depression and self-loathing? A foul hatred of myself?

     All these negative thoughts bombarding my mind like smoke bombs clouding up my brain with mental fogginess. Doubting myself that I can continue on this weight loss journey. Doubting my purpose for being here. Do I have a purpose? Why am I a failure? Does anybody care? Does anybody listen? Why am I so alone? Why does David have to be gone again? Why do we have a foreclosure on our house? I can't do anything right. What's the point? Maybe I should just quit....problem solved?! And as the blizzard rages and the cold winds blow and the snow turns into ice, the tears fall accumulating icy conditions on my soul of bitterness, anger, resentment and disappointment.

     But through it all comes these opposing thoughts - ringing loud and true - warring with my negative thoughts. Hey! You! You have come to far to give up now! What are you thinking? Keep going! Look at what you have accomplished. Look at what more you can accomplish. You have a lot more to do! Fight the fight. Run the race. Keep training. Onward then!

     And then my fitness trainer brings me a checklist of my training program that he designed for me because he knows that I am a visual learner. My nutritionist gives me a paper plate that has my daily servings for each meal on it as a reminder to help me stay on track with my carb intake to help me keep my blood sugars in control. My gym buddies were willing to sacrifice their diets to take me to get a Starbucks to cheer me up. (We didn't. It was the thought that counts) And I am humbled once again. And they tell me...no more negativity! It's the positivity that melts the icy conditions of the soul. And I realize I am not alone. I have God. I have a great family and I have awesome friends and people in my life that are helping me make that transformation from old negative, sugar addicted, emotional eater, overweight Debbie to the new, healthy, vibrant, full of life, cheerful, positive Debbie. And I am reminded once again of how truly grateful I should be.

     I look out my window! Its 5 am. Six hours after the blizzard was predicted. There is no snow! Nothing! The skies are cloudy. There may still be snow today.  The weather is hard to predict. So are life's circumstances. I don't know what either one will be like in any given moment. I can choose to cower or I can face it head on.

I choose not to cower anymore. Let it snow! I'll make it through!

Keep on Believing

Am I my own worst enemy? I often times think so. I complain, whine, argue, think negatively, a lot... at least according to some people I do. And they are probably right. I am always and forever thinking I can't do something. I might fail. It looks too hard. The negativity list could go on and on. I am my own worst enemy when I am constantly berating and belittling myself and not believing in all I can do.

I meet with a personal trainer three times a week. (Alex Beeding). Yesterday he started setting basketballs on the court at various intervals, 5 basketballs total, and told me to run to each spot, grab the ball, dribble it back to home court and shoot the ball till I made a basket. Oh and by the way, you only have 1 min and 30 seconds to do the last set! What?!!! I kept telling myself there was absolutely no way I could collect all the basketballs and do the required motion in that less of time. How could I possibly do what he's asking? I can barely dribble a ball standing but dribbling a ball while running down the basketball court - what is my trainer thinking? I could be 5 minutes trying to get the basketball into the hoop!!!!

I could come up with many reasons (my fitness trainer would call them excuses) as to why I couldn't do this exercise. I think I voiced a few of them. Each one was shot down by my trainer. He's good at that. Always has been. Again and again, showing me how to do an exercise to demonstrate determination on how easy it can be. Each time I go ahead and do the exercise or activity that he gives me and I amaze myself. I've improved. I did it! It did get easier! Each time my trainer gives me that look that says, "You say you can't do things and then you do them effortlessly."

He is always telling me that it doesn't matter what you are trying to accomplish, if you tell yourself you can't, you won't and it will all be because YOU did not BELIEVE in yourself. From weight loss, getting in shape, getting a job as a teacher, surviving deployments, paying off bills - YOU need to believe in yourself first before anyone else will.

I'm blessed to have a fitness trainer to tell me these things. This has been his mantra to me for the past year and a half since I started working with him. He's not there to hand me compliments after the fact. Although, the occasional good job and well done, when I deserve it, is great extrinsic motivation. The lesson I learned yesterday, which I think finally sank in, was, I can do whatever I set my mind to. The same is true for you. You can do whatever you set your mind to.

Believe in yourself. Remember your reasons and your goals. It will get done. Having a heart for something is the most important step. Take that step and keep walking. You'll get there.

Its a work in progress.
Keep believing!

By the way. The last time I ran to collect all those basketballs, dribble them back to home court and shoot the ball, I did it under the 1 min and 30 seconds. It was the best session ever! I learned to believe in myself.

Making It Through 10 Days Without A Fitness Trainer

Okay...I can hear what you are thinking after just reading the title. Whats the big deal about being without a fitness trainer? Well, when you've worked with the worlds best fitness trainer (Alex Beeding)  for over a year, who has helped you lose 75 + pounds and feel the best you've ever felt in years and then your fitness trainer goes away for a ten day international trip..a sense of panic may ensue. It did me!  Now don't get me wrong. I am tickled pink that he took the trip because he is gaining a great wife and I truly wish both of them the very best. She has a been a big help to me too in my weight loss journey. I think the two of them will do great things together! Blessings to them as they begin their new life together. So to help me get through (tomorrow they get home), I kept a day by day journal...

Day One -
Not feeling motivated at all today to go the gym. Why should I go? My fitness trainer won't be there. How would anybody know if I worked out or not?  I could so easily play hooky. Don't I deserve a day off? Take it easy, stay in bed and watch Lifetime movies all day? Yep, such is my thought process on the first day.

I shake the mood off and remember what my fitness trainer told me before he left, "Be a problem solver." He's right. I can't let the fact that my fitness trainer won't be at the gym and my whole schedule has now been disrupted get me down. So I get up and set out to make my fitness trainer proud of me this week by working harder than ever before.

Usually on a Thursday, I will go for a walk in the morning and do a water workout in the afternoon and then go to small group training. But today is all topsy turvy since there is no small group! What to do! What to do? Oh...I am getting that shaky feeling before I have a panic attack. I can hear my fitness trainers voice telling me to breathe and relax. I can do this, I tell myself.

I get my daughter to walk with me around Quail Lake for 1 mile in the early afternoon. Then we go shopping. Afterwards, I head to the gym. I met a few of the other fitness trainers who were very encouraging and understood how hard it is to have your fitness trainer in absentee.

I did good! I rode the exercise bike for 40 minutes doing intervals - starting at level 4 and changing it 2 levels every 5 minutes. Up to level 10 and then back down to level 2. I burned 251 calories that and rode the bike 7 miles! I think that is the best I have ever done.

Then I did water zumba. I tried water zumba once and lasted 10 minutes cuz I couldn't keep up. It was a lot easier this time. Amazing the difference a  75 pound weight loss makes. It was also kind of fun. A different way to move. I'm not very good but I can only get better. After water zumba I did my abs in the water.

One day down! Maybe tomorrow won't be so bad.

Day Two.

You have got to be kidding me! I wasn't looking forward to going to Team Weight Loss class tonight because we had to be in Brookes Team Fitness class and Brooke is tough! Well, so is my fitness trainer but in a different way. My biggest fear in working with a different trainer is that I won't be able to keep up and that I will push too hard and injure myself. Other fitness trainers don't understand when I need to slow down...not like my fitness trainer does.

And today is a blue day...I feel like I am losing interest in Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. So to get out of my blue funk. I take my fitness trainers dog for a walk. (I am dog sitting while they are gone.) We went for a 1.77 mile walk. It was really good. I remember when this dog was just a pup and would just ball up and cower on the floor and just sit there. Now he walks along beside me without a leash. Every now and then he runs ahead of me and looks back, cocking his head, like he is wondering why I am sooooo slow. His fitness trainer master is a runner.

Made it to the gym. I rode the bike for 40 minutes again and then did Team class with Brooke. Brooke had us do a Farmers Walk! We had to walk around upstairs holding twenty pound weights. Brooke had to lower mine to 16 pounds cuz 20 pounds hurt my wrists. Carpal tunnel. Then we had to walk around holding 8 pound dumbbells over our heads and then straight out in front of us. Know what fitness trainer? I need stronger back muscles and shoulder muscles. That was stinkin hard!!! After each time we walked around we came back to our starting location and did 3 sets of planks, push-ups and wall squats.

I did weigh in at 221.8 at 5 pm... that's a good thing!

Day Three

It's the weekend already! Kim kept me busy today! Does mall walking count as exercise? I drove up to Denver today and back. It started snowing hard in Denver but by the time we got back to the Springs it was clear.

My nutrition was not to good today...mostly because I ate out, twice. : > ( I did make healthy choices.

I have made a promise to myself. With the holidays coming up there will be quite a few times when I will be out and about shopping. I know I will get hungry. So if I am with anybody and they want to eat out, I will only get a salad or grilled chicken and veggies.

Sorry fitness trainer... I will run extra laps.

Day Four

Sunday! Happy Wedding Day fitness trainer.

Guess what? Your female dog is in heat!!!! Imagine that...you go away to get married and go on your honeymoon and your dog gets pregnant!

No not really. She is in heat and we are doing the best we can to keep the male dogs away. Unless you want puppies? Too bad you can't email, text, or Facebook while you are away...sure would be nice to know...

Kind of jealous today too. You are on a nice warm beach, fitness trainer, and it is 30 degrees today and snowing!!! No walking today. I am going to do an all over house cleaning, decluttering and organizing day starting with the kitchen and working my way around the upstairs.

Is it too early to put up the Christmas tree?

Saw Skyfall tonight, (the new James Bond movie), awesome, awesome movie!

Day Five

Monday...new week begun. I decided to change it up a bit this week and go to the 10:00 team class. Brookes class is still scaring me. Lawerence (aka: Larry Boy) is substituting while my fitness trainer is away. He surely can't be as scary as Brooke right? And plus David has the day off...so it would be nice to be home this evening.

I rode the bike for 20 minutes when I got to the gym. Dani and Mike were there. It's good to have friends at the gym...keeps me motivated. I started my bike ride at level 20 and bumped it down one level every minute.

And then....

I did Team Weight Loss....OMG!!! Lawerence is a tough fitness trainer...and he doesn't take no for an answer. We had to walk sideways and backwards on the treadmill, walk at 15% inclines holding weights, squats, marching steps, etc. Totally different work out!!!! I almost lost it. Walking sideways and backwards makes my brain feel funny. But I tried to do my best....

Really, really missing my fitness trainer today!!!

Did my water workout afterwards. Lawerence said to make sure I drink a protein smoothie before I did my water workout. Is that true, that working out too much will eat away lean muscle???

Born to Run

I just finished reading this book, which my fitness trainer, Alex Beeding, recommended. The book is about a hidden tribe, superathletes and ulramarathons, culminating in a race in which superathletes and the Tarahumari tribe ran an ultramarathon together. The book talks about barefoot running and how Nike created the Free Run Shoes and other shoes like it that help the body stay in alignment. It makes sense too... Our foot was designed with an arch...why do we try to support it with a shoe all the time? Do you see the St. Louis Arch being supported by anything? Nope. Because it doesn't need it. That is not how it was designed. The author, Christoper McDougall explores many different aspects of being an ultramarathoner athlete, what it takes to get in shape, how to avoid many injuries that runners often experience and nutrition.  To me the book was very inspirational and motivational.

The Bible talks a lot about running races - endurance and persistence - One might think, if God even wrote about running the race...maybe we were born to run?

2 Timothy 4:17 - I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. (NKJV)

 Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls! Hebrews 12:1

 After reading this book it was easy to see how life can be like an ultramarathon. Right now - losing this weight and getting fit is my ultramarathon. It is taking a lot of endurance and persistence and faith...but slowly and steadily, keeping my eyes on the goal it's working!

Yesterday, I ran around the basketball court. I ran! That is huge. I never run! I think sometimes I might be allergic to running. It makes my lungs burn and my legs hurt. The only difference between other days and yesterday was I so badly wanted to keep going. By the time, I got back around the bball court to where my fitness trainer was standing, I wanted to keep going...but I didn't know if I could...so I stopped.

But I felt INVIGORATED!!!

Alex said I did a good job and deep down inside I was thinking... Yeah! It really was a good job and I really liked it and maybe I haven't been giving my all to my workouts...so get ready cuz I'm going all out now! I'm going to do this! And by December I will be under 200 pounds!!!!

I think...no, I know now...I have reached a turning point. That adrenaline has now been shot into every aspect of my life. I no longer want to be a human being...I want to be a human doing. I don't know what is in store for my future. Will I get a teaching job? Will I ever run a marathon or at least a 5K? I don't know! But I know, I no longer want to sit on the sidelines.

So onward to new challenges - just like life
Onward to sometimes feeling like giving up, and sometimes wanting to quit and sometimes wondering whats it all about - just like life
Onward to feeling tired and exhausted and full of pain - just like life


Onward to achieving success and victory - Just Like Life

It Looks So Hard!!!

I read an article recently which prompted me to do some more research and I found out that it is, in fact, indeed true that most people perceive a hill to be steeper than it really is...whether you are looking up the incline or down. In one article, Perceiving Geographical Slant, the authors stated that "slant overestimation becomes increasingly exaggerated with fatigue". Test participants, during various research experiments, were asked to estimate the slope of a hill after a period of intense exercise. The participants consistently misjudged the slope, thinking a 5 degree slope was almost 20 degrees. The more tired, scared, frail or burdened a person is makes climbing the hill seem even more daunting.

Manitou Springs, Colorado has an Incline that the public uses for exercise. Once a one mile cable tram used to support the construction of a hydroeletric plant and a waterline, then turned into a tourist attraction was finally dismantled and what remained were the tracks that formed a crude, rugged stairway that ascends for 2000 feet. First timers to the Incline are often heard to groan and mumble, "You want me to climb that"?

I climbed this Incline recently. About 2/3 of the way to the top is a Bailout Pass and I actually made it! But boy was that the hardest climb I have ever done and made me a firm believer in the above research. I shed tears. I wanted to give up. I needed a lot of encouragement and motivation to make it up this incline. I remember looking up and thinking that the way kept getting steeper and steeper. If it wasn't for my cheering section, which included my fitness trainer, Alex Beeding, his fiancee, Jackie and a friend from the gym, waiting for me at the Pass and a husband behind me pushing me onward, I don't think I would've made it.

Life can be a hard climb sometimes. Sometimes we get burned out and exhausted and even a trivial problem can seem to big for us to handle. It is so much easier to just sit at the base of a difficult hill and stay there, convinced that the grade is too steep...but then we never achieve success. Life's difficulties are so easy to misjudge. We need courage to keep going when we are tempted to quit.

This weight loss journey I am on is a steep hill to climb. I can feel myself getting burned out from eating one more dinner of chicken and veggies. I can feel the soreness in my legs and the exhaustion from one more trip to the gym. I am tired. I feel frail. But I can't sit at the base of Weight Loss Mountain or I will never achieve the victory. So I draw strength and encouragment from those around me, from my fitness trainer, my family, my friends who all say, "Come on Debbie, you can do better. You're next goal is just around the corner. You may not see it, the way looks steep, but we're here in front of you and behind you. You can do it. You can conquer this difficult hill."

And I look up...and it does look steep. Very steep. Insurmountably steep...but then I catch a glimpse of the vision of being healthy again. I look at where I have been and where I am going and I say to myself....Onward then!!!

Isaiah 40:29 - He gives power to the weak and to those who have no might He increases strength.